Friday, April 6, 2012

Discouraged, and it's all my fault


For some reason this morning I got really down on my band.  Maybe seeing several people getting revisions to the sleeve, or maybe just the stagnating weight-loss, or the gaining back of my magical 5lb loss.. or all of the above.

I had toyed with the idea of getting the sleeve in the first place, it just seemed a little too new to me.  Not enough info out there  yet.  Of course this morning I was all "maybe I should look into a revision".. like a  year is enough to make a difference in that.  But this morning I was all "does kaiser do revisions? do they cover them? would I have to self pay? etc"

Speaking of, I haven't even been banded a year yet, so I KNOW that I'm not a failure, that I've plenty of time to lose more weight, etc.  But I just FEEL like all progress has stopped.  Of course if that's the case, that's my fault, not the bands fault.  I'm pretty sure I've been the laziest/worst bandster ever, and should probably consider myself lucky to have lost the 70+ lbs that i have lost.  I rarely exercise, I eat way more than I should.  Potato chips and ice cream have been great friends of mine.. not because I need to eat sliders.. just cause I can.

I know that I don't NEED a revision surgery.. Hopefully I never will ($$$)  .. I just need to pull my cr@p together and actually do what I'm supposed to do.

le sigh,

Thursday, April 5, 2012

funny for the day:

This is so true..

warning, she uses a little language (although in this video, not near as much as normal:

Jenna Marbles : How Diets Work


Sunday, April 1, 2012

weigh in

so this whole week i've learned an important lesson. Never re-weigh.  at one point I was in the 212's .. until i stepped back on the scale.  the it was back in the 213's.  this morning i actually weighed the same (supposedly)  after potty as i did before potty.. yeah okay sure..  but my official weigh in is 214.5. so up a bit from last week, but still lower than i'd been hovering for a month or more.  I'll take it.


Sunday, March 25, 2012

weigh in

I'm pretty sure this is a way artificial low, or all those dreams/thoughts/prayers of magically losing weight finally are starting to come true, but weigh in this morning said 213.5 ... that's like a 5 lb loss from last week.. and a couple of days ago even.  I'll do my best to keep this and not go back up and make it real!!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Picture spam

I'm here with some picture spam

first me, in a dress..  I think h-e- double hockey sticks has frozen over:

Next is a couple of our new Puppy!  his name is Bomber (it came from my hubbys online nickname that he had forever) .. He's a Welsh Corgi and totally ADORABLE!!

For those of you who know corgi's his ears should go up on their own.  Then he'll be even more adorable!! 

That's all I have for now. I might be down a pound or so this week, we'll find out tomorrow! 


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Did a light bulb just turn on??


I swear, You'd think this whole lap band/weight loss thing was rocket science the way I've been going at it.
But yesterday ... I was good with my food (mostly) and after work I went to the gym for 50 minutes of elliptical, and THEN went home and walked the dog for another 40 min (Thank  you daylight savings!) ..  my bodybugg said those two hours (ish)  burned about 700 calories.  At first I'm all amazed!!  then I'm all .. duh!! That's the whole point of exercise..  And all of that is probably why I was able to eat twice as much dinner as I should have (taco meat, cheese a few a lot of tortilla chips, home made salsa and guac) and still see my lowest weight yet on the scale this morning 217.1  .. not official weight, as it's not Sunday, however, this is encouraging.  Maybe if I actually keep this up I can get back to losing.  and find Onederland! and beyond!
And while I'm at it can I win the lotto so I can afford a trainer?  >.>

In other news, on March 23rd,   we'll be adding a new puppy to our family.  Yup puppy, potty training and all.  But I'm excited, it's a Welsh Corgi!!! so cute!!
Our puppy will be one of these
Also also, I don't think I mentioned this, but in my absence from blog land I figured out my painful elbow is due to tennis elbow.  joy >.<   So i've got a brace on, and whenever I remember I do my stretches.. And soon I get to learn the exercises to make this not happen again.  so yay!

But that's it for now.  Hopeing to stay excited enough to keep up what I'm doing!


Thursday, March 8, 2012

food scheduling

Robyn said something in her 10 Things Thursday post today that reminded me of a thought/question I've been pondering for a bit.

Food/meal schedules.  I often find myself hungry (and really hungry  not head hungry)  before dinner time. like 4:30/5 o'clock.   But when I stop and think, If I ate lunch at 11 like I usually do, that's more than reasonable to expect to be hungry.  If I'm eating the right portions, then I should be not hungry for 3-4 hours right?  so totally reasonable to be hungry at 4:30.  So, I guess, what I'm thinking is I need to work in an *appropriate* snack.  I'm thinking a bit of hummus and veggies or a small portion of beef jerky or something.   There's just so much conflicting info out there. "3 meals a day!! no more! no less!!"  and then "5 small meals a day, keeps your metabolism going" .. blah blah.  I figure I just need to do what works for me.

Speaking of portion sizes, I really really need to go buy more of the 1 cup sized ziploc containers.  It's just too easy to say "one more scoop" in a bigger container.  I used that today and at first my head was like "that is SO not enough chicken salad (Costco, very yummy)!"  and I told it "remember how you felt yesterday after more than this? yes, this is enough" so we'll see how after lunch goes :)  

blah, I'm back and blogging more than ever! and more randomly than ever too I think.


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Grrr. F$%#$ing ignorance

Seriously, I can't read news article comments anymore cause it just pisses me off... and apparently I can't listen to the radio anymore either.

On my way home the radio station i listen too always does an "Other Peoples problems" bit, where people write or call in with their issue and then people call in with their thoughts/solutions, they also post it on facebook.  Today was something along the lines of "i met my BFF in a weight loss program, we instantly bonded blah blah blah.  Today I'm still losing weight slowly, but surely, but she got Gastric bypass surgery, and her weight fell off like magic"  (here's where i expected  something along the lines of "i'm so jealous i don't want to be around her") .. Now the friend who had surgery is being a royal witch to the still fat friend, and making jokes at her expense and saying "you're to fat to do ____ "  .

One of the DJ's then says " wow, she really turned on who she used to be.. but before we go any further, can we say Carrie (or whatever her name was) cheated" ...


Pissed.  And then if you read the facebook comments on the post, mixed in with "ditch the friend" is a lot of , "easy way out" "cheated"  "in 5 years she'll be fat again" and "at least you'll have earned the right to be skinny"

WTF?  earn the right to be skinny?  paying tons of money, working your ass off and changing everything about how/what you eat  etc. doesn't earn you the right to be skinny? for fucks sake people need to grow up.

My response " While this friend is no friend judging from her actions, a lot of you need to realize that weight loss surgery is NOT the easy way out, or cheating. When the best thing an obese person can do for themselves is lost weight, does it really matter how they do it?"

I would have said more, but I was on my phone...  but just GRRR.  I wish.. I dunno what I wish, just that people were less stupid and took some time to educate themselves before they say things.
If you want to weigh (lol see what I did there?) in on this, here's the facebook page:


Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I'm back, mentally conflicted, and ready to work!

Okay, so it might have been a month since my last post.  Oops. AND I kinda left you all with a cliff-hanger about an upset feeling tummy and heart burn. Forgive me?

Turns out I probably was just eating too much since I haven't really had the problem since. *whew*

However in the last month I've just been hovering at 217-219.  While I haven't gained weight, which is pretty much a miracle with my food choices/amounts, I haven't lost, which is the whole point.

So, for the umpteenth time, I'm back on track!! I swear!  And I have additional reminders/motivation this time!

Let me explain:  My hubby and I just started (last week) renting out our extra bedroom to a friend.  This benefits both sides in that it's saving her money to enable her to pay down her debt and basically get in a better financial place.  And basically the same for us.  After fixing a few things and the new washer/dryer we want, the rest of the money is going to paying off big chunks of credit cards and into savings! yay!
 But as for motivation, this girl is 26, a little over 6ft tall, and easily over 400lbs.  I like her a lot (dur, we're sharing a house with her) .. but her attitude is .. rubbing me the wrong way.  She "jokes" about being the "happy fat kid" when she eats her appetizer and entire plate and dessert when we go out to eat.  She says she's hot and sexy and all the guys know it and want her.. And I'm all for having a healthy self esteem at any weight (which i'm still learning for myself).. I think she's just covering.  She's also said "I look at pictures of myself at 15, and then now, and it's depressing" .. Hard to be the happy fat kid when you're upset about that.  I soooo want to say something, but I know it's not my place, and still being over 200lbs after having WLS, do I even have a leg to stand on? I mean I know personally, that a million people can tell you their opinion and what to do, but as we all know, until YOU decide to fix it, nothing is going to happen.

She's also reminded of a lot of my factors in choosing WLS.  She can't go up the 6 stairs in out split level without breathing hard, she can't fit in any booths.. she wants a new car but "only a 2 door cause they're easier to get in/out of".   I didn't want my life choices to be determined by my weight.   So I think I've found some renewed focus to cut back down on portion sizes and get my lazy behind back in the gym.  A) I don't want to ever be in that spot again  and b) maybe I can provide some positive motivation for her.  maybe.

So, apparently I'm wordy when I come back.  Thanks for listening (reading?)!


Thursday, February 2, 2012

And the panic is back

Yeah, panic is back. Heartburn isn't (although my throat is a bit scratchy).. but my stomach.. aches.  Not like "feeling sick" ache. just Uncomfortable ache.   And Ronnie had mentioned something about if my surgeon had fixed a hiatal hernia during my surgery I wouldn't be having these symptoms.. What if he didn't fix or mention a hernia? as far as I know I've never had one to fix. 

The most worrying part of this is, it's supposed to snow like 20 inches starting soon, and going through saturday. (not to mention the fact that it'll be the weekend)  Do call and see what they say? 

I'm sure the fact that I can drink water just fine still is promising .. but achy isn't.   I have mushies and soups for the next few days.  Maybe just tough it out till monday. 

looking back through communications with Kaiser, in sept, and Nov. I'd mentioned my stomach aching too. (Nov was when I went in for a bit of an unfill) .. For sure calling the surgeon, just not sure when I can get in there.  *sigh* I hate complications.

*edit* surgeon has been called, message left.   Plan is unless I hear otherwise I'm doing soups and mushies this weekend.  


*edit #2*  surgeon called back, told me to get some liquid mylanta and/or prilosec and if it gets worse over the weekend call him to see him monday or tuesday. 

Sorry For the Panic

Yeah, sorry about panicking yesterday. I just always tend to jump to the worst possible conclusion.

And while I suppose it is possible that having JUST the heartburn could mean I have a slipped band, odds are it Is probably something more along the lines of eating too much.  So now I'm going to focus on really trying hard to follow my bandster rules.  Even if this means strapping a measuring cup to my purse to bring with me everywhere. I know I've been eating more than I should.  So not too uprising if that's the cause of heartburn feeling (and dur, I shouldn't if anything because that can lead to a slipped band)  ..

So we're going on to focusing on being good!
And bundling up for the  foot of snow we're supposed to get starting tonight. *sigh*



Wednesday, February 1, 2012

A little advice?

I hate having such a pessimistic head.  The last couple of days (maybe just one?) after eating (which i can do mostly just fine, just a little pain to let me know to chew more)  I've had a burning in my throat afterwards.  I wonder is this a new heartburn?  I used to have really bad/constant heartburn pre-band. But from day one after surgery, no more prilosec for me ( I was so thrilled!)

So I'm wondering, is this a new way for me to feel heartburn?  and if so.. does this mean a slipped band?  I can eat just fine (probably too much .. which I've read can cause a slipped band) I can drink just fine (after the first couple of hours of my day). Nothing else feels weird, just this throat heartburn.

Since last  night though I've been worried about a slipped band.  Looking up symptoms online, and heartburn is the only one I can tick off.  But I know I've been eating too much lately.  *sigh*  now I'm obsessively worrying about it.  Do I call my surgeon? Do I just do a few days of liquids and see if all is better?



Friday, January 20, 2012

I'm awesome (in a bad way)

Yeah, I'm totally awesome at making excuses.

Some of them are legit.  Like my knee really hurt a few weeks ago, and it also hurt this week (I cleaned all the things!  on Tuesday, and my knee has hurt like a mo-fo since then)

Some of them I feel are legit, but if I really really wanted to lose this weight and get fit etc, i'd find a way to work it.  For example Nora totally inspired me to check out the Body Pump classes at my gym.. so I go online to look at class schedules and that class for my gym is offered 2 days a week (well 3, but I'm at work for the third) one at 5:45 pm, and one at 6:45 pm.  I get to the gym at 4pm, and am typically done with cardio around 5. I could probably stretch it and stay till 5:45.. and not get home/have dinner till almost 7.. but 6:45? yeah, no.  I could go home, and have dinner, and go back to the gym.. but I know me.  The reason I go to the gym at 4 is it's on my way home from work, don't have to stop/sit down. Because if I'm home, I'm so not leaving again.  There is one gym that's "close" that has a bit better times (5:30/6:30) and four days a week I could get to, but it's like 20 min out of my way. *sigh*  So i'm back to figuring out weights on my own until I can afford a trainer (never).

On the plus side I AM going home and doing the beginning of Ronnie's 200 sit-ups and I'm also going to try the 100 push ups too.  I should also do the 200(!!!) squats program.. but that's just scary.

On another plus side I should be down this week unless something happens between now and sunday ( a distinct possibility).. I've been seeing 218-219 in the mornings for the last few days. so yay!

Of course since I talked about it on not weigh in day, I've jinxed it ;)


Friday, January 13, 2012

It's one of THOSE days...

Willpower, I lacks it.

oy, it's 11:45 and I'm technically 57 calories over my daily amount according myfitnesspal.  awesome.

I'd totally be okay with this if it was 9pm.  I think i need to cut out/down on my sweet coffee drinks.  I DO get the sugar free/no whip/skim milk versions.. which helps but that's still almost 300 calories.

It was the stupid "Broncos party" .. I had some not in my plan cheese and chips and salsa.  and a milky way.

I don't get why I'm so much MORE addicted to sugar food than I was before sugary.  Before I very very rarely had dessert of any kind.  No candy bars, no pints of ice cream.. whatever.  After? holy cow, just don't take me down the ice cream isle.  (although it always seems like the day after downing ice cream i have a loss of weight.. go figure)

anyways.. this is me going RAWR at myself. Bad me, stick to the plan!


Thursday, January 12, 2012

My brain is awesome before going to bed!

Yup, My brain is awesome and motivated when I'm laying in bed trying to sleep.

Last night I decided (for the zillionth time) to be a more productive person! Brain said "tomorrow after work you're going to :

1) go to the gym
2) Do Ronnie's 200 sit ups program (or at least look into it, which i did, and downloaded the app)
3) clean the cat litter
4) clean the kitchen
5) make dinner
6) clean the bathroom
7) vacuum whole house (silly fluffy cats)
8) do laundry INCLUDING folding and putting away clean stuff (that part never seems to happen)
9) maybe try my Jillian 30 day shred video I've had for 2+ years and never ever looked at so far.

.. and yeah, you see where this is going.   Odds of me doing ALL of this.. slim to none.  But maybe if I put it out there for the world to see I'll get more done that just "make dinner and do the cat litter"  which is the more likely option.

I think I need to learn how to get more organized/motivated.  Because there ARE people out there that do this all the time. le sigh

On weight news, I *think* I almost entered a new decade.  Yesterday morning I got on the scale to 222.? .. but I saw that it was sitting on a grout line on the tile. So I moved it, and then was 219.? (i checked 3 times in a row the same!).  No celebrating yet though, this morning was 221, and it's not sunday!  but it's nice to see things moving again. :D


Saturday, January 7, 2012

Losing weight would be easier if I didn't have a Job!

Apparently none of the various boot camp places that have been offering deals on group*on and/or living*social lately cater to people that actually work.  This latest one I see today is close enough to my home that I could justify the drive there, but it's mon/wed/fri either 6am or 9am.  at 6 I'm already getting on the train to get to work, and by 9 i'm two hours into my work day.   Just like I discovered even if I wanted to get up early enough to gym before work, I can't, as my gym opens at 5:30. (but trust me, getting up at 4:30 is early enough)

This makes me think of the people that say "oh yeah I lost my weight easy! I just went to the gym 2/4/6 hours a day"  .. well yeah, I'm pretty sure if I had the time, I could do that too.  Just like "Celebrity lost her 40lbs baby weight in 6 weeks!"  .. with a personal trainer, personal chef and hours and hours a day working out.

This is where my mom gets on my case about being negative, and not to worry about others and do what I can.. and she's right.  But I'm still stuck with "it's not fair" and "i could do well if I had those advantages too!" and so I'll still wait for the money fairy so I can hire a trainer... which means losing weight would be easier if I had a better job. so either no job, better job. blah.

*posted from my mediocre job!

<3 Sam