A short treatise on Port pain, jealousy, and speed.

Not a whole lot going on.  Worked 12 hours today. Someone called in sick, so I stayed over for half a shift.  Nothing says fun like time and a half! Of course this means I didn't get to eat dinner until 8:30 or so.  Ah well, I'm pretty sure tomorrows weigh in isn't going to be spectacular.

So in regards to the title.  Port pain.  I don't know (although I'm hoping and assuming) if it's because I tend to sleep on my front left side, but today the area around my port is really hurty.  But it's  from the inside.  So if I move a certain way it hurts, but if I poke it, not so much.  Is this normal? should I be running to my surgeon? I just don't know.  I suppose best bet is to wait and see how it is in the next couple of days (which is what I'm doing with my elbow, which has been hurting for weeks).

I'm just falling apart! Oy!

Let's see, Jealousy.  I just found out my friend who got her band 2+ years ago is getting a tummy tuck in November.  While I'm happy for her, I'm also jealous as all get out.   I KNOW I'm going to need one (and prolly the ta-ta's too) my pannus is very disgusting and blah, and there's no way that's just going to shrink up and in and be all pretty.  BUT unless something amazing happens on the job/lotto/relative i don't know or care about dying front (I kid, I kid!) I'm so not going to be able to afford either of those surgeries.  And during the pre-surgery class I asked if Kaiser ever deemed skin removal surgery "medically necessary"  I was told no.  I've seen other answers on the Internet, but most of those are either out in California (so different system sort of) or from 2+ years ago.  I suppose since I'm only a few months out from surgery I could start saving $$.. but that never works out as planned.  I'll figure something out, I'm sure. (probably just learn to live with blah)

Last but not least, Speed.  I remember reading that the majority of weight lost with the band takes place in the first 8-ish months.  Is this really true?  Do I need to get my rear in gear if I ever want to see 170 (or less)??  I'm not terribly upset with how fast I'm losing, although when I created my stats page the other day, I realized I'd lost less since my surgery than I had thought. 30lbs in 4 months instead of the 40-45 like I had been thinking.  This makes me worried I'm going to be one of the "failures"  .. I suppose the only solution to that is to get my butt moving!  Zumba tomorrow!  

This is long and ranty enough, to ta-ta for now!
<3  Sam

p.s.  If any of you win the lotto think of me, and my future surgeries and current need for a personal trainer!! ;)

love ya!

Emotions

Nothing too deep or insightful today.  I think I'm just amused with the emotions I'm having with this weight-loss.  They're not what I would have expected.    I mean .. I'm almost dreading the day when my wedding/engagement rings won't fit.  That day is soon.  I know part of that is I have a bad habit of imagining what other people are thinking about me.  And for a long time I was imagining "oh the poor fat girl will never have anybody" .. even though I DID have someone, lacking the visible proof I assumed everyone thought I was alone.

I'm also .. annoyed that my pants are getting too big.  I'm happy, but at the same time.. annoyed when i have to hike them up.

The obvious weirdness is the "OMG I've lost 60lbs from my highest ever!!" which then swings to "OMG I've got another 60lbs (or more) to lose, I'll never do that"

I know I had a few other examples in my head a few minutes ago, but they flitted away. So I think I'll leave you with the statement that somehow I expected all "Happy Happy Joy Joy" and am confused by the other feelings leaking in.

<3
Sam

p.s.  bananas hurt :(

Heavy

Also, I've been watching Heavy on netflix.  I think I'm taking the wrong things away from this show.  Don't get me wrong, I like it.  It's moving. But my main thoughts are a) That's not fair, I want someone to pay for a personal trainer for me!  and b) Not fair, they weigh about what I weigh now, and are getting their belly fat/flap removed.   (and also "hey, she's going in for surgery with make-up on! that's a no-no")

Half of me watches this show and thinks "if they can do it, I can do it" and the other half of me refers back to my previous "not fair" statements.  I know life isn't fair.  I know there's a lot of stuff I can do myself without a trainer.  But I also know that'd help so much.  Someone to help keep me accountable every week.  Help me switch up (or even start) a routine.  It's frustrating.  I need to win the lotto.

<3
Sam

Lucky!

I'm so chalking this weeks loss up to luck.  Lots and lots of luck.  I've been crap with my food ( can we say 2 pints of ice cream over the week?)  .. I've been crap with my work outs (one night of Wii Zumba).   Granted, It was my ToM, and Thursday/Friday I was sick.  But there was more crap going on than was justified.  So hooray for lucky loss, and now i get back in gear and actually earn my weight loss.

I know i'm not around as much lately, but mostly that's because i'm boring.  Nothing much to report.  Got to take a class in courtroom testimony this week.   Going to court as an "expert witness" is a probably part of my job, so this was to make sure we're at least somewhat prepared to get torn apart on the witness stand by defense attornies.  Not looking forward to it, but at the same time, I am.

Otherwise, that's it. I"m boring.  But I read you all!

<3
Sam

A day late a pound short

Sunday weigh in on Monday!  233.8.  huzzah.  Down a bit, which is good after this week.  I was bad with food, even with being on mushies for a bit.  I was also bad with exercise, because moving made my tummy feel worse.  I think what made the difference was my house warming party yesterday.  Was up at 7am cleaning, had a small breakfast, and didn't eat again till 6ish? And i had a burger with a slice of cheese.  I only had like 2 bites of the various chips and dips we had out.  In all honestly this "I did so well" is mostly due to the fact that I was way to busy to eat.  But I'll take it.  I'm pretty sure if I had remembered to weigh yesterday It would have been closer to no loss for the week. I"m a cheater ;)    Hope you all have a great day!  time to clean up the house.. again

 <3
Sam

Freaking myself out

Blah.  After what seems to be everybody having issues with their band lately, I'm freaking myself out.  The last 2-3 days, after I eat my lunch, my stomach has hurt. Not sick feeling, just uncomfortable. And burps flavored like I whatever I ate.  So now i'm all "omg what if there's something wrong with my band too?"  I'm sure there's not, I've had this blah-tummy feeling before the band.. just.. welcome to my paranoid head.

<3
Sam

I have the best Mommy EVAR!

So, I told ya'll how my heels have been hurting.  They still do, however not near as much as before.  Thank you all for your suggestions :)   I did end up going to the doctor yesterday, mostly to see if they still do/cover through insurance doctor made orthotics.  I was told that Kaiser doesn't.  At least not at my office or my plan or something.  Or maybe just after jumping through a lot of hoops.  Either way, the doc just told me "stretches, ice, stretches, no flip flops, no flats, no heels, no bare feet" .. (no fun shoes is what I heard).  She also said especially with my flat feet orthotics could help.  (! oh! NSV, when they took my blood pressure, they didn't have to go get the big arm cuff!! yay!)

So I called my Mom and said "I know what I don't really want, but need for my birthday.. orthotics!"
Long story short I now have some Good Feet orthotics (and the shoes I've been eyeing) .. and HOLY COW are these suckers expensive.   My mommy loves me and my feet!  And I am spoiled rotten.

That is pretty much it for now, much house cleaning in the future, my house warming party is on Sunday! eesh.

<3
Sam

Sunday weigh in

235.8 .  I got that weight twice, so that's the official one :D  yay! that makes for a loss of 3 lbs this week.  My goal is to at least maintain that loss (obviously) and hopefully lose some more in the next week.  I say at least maintain because I seem to go up and down, and up and down...  I just want to go down.

And now, after my Mountain pictures last week, I'll give you a couple of other sights we see out here in Colorado. :)   (click on the pictures for full sized glory)

<3

Sam

Boredom

So, I work Saturdays.  Saturdays are really really really slow.  I've been watching tv and stuff on the computer at work (hooray for am.azon instant streaming).. but .. I've noticed since being banded... I eat when I'm bored. I'll be siting here, doing nothing, and suddenly thinking "i could go buy some sushi at king soopers" .. or whatever boredom noshing food you can think of.  Someone has a fundraiser box of $1 candy bars up on the counter.  I have availed myself of a twix or two.  Heck, today I ate my meatballs (thank you costco!) .. and 5 minutes later I was planning a run to go buy some sushi.  After a week of meatballs I KNOW that my 5 meatballs and pasta sauce is enough. I just need to wait a few minutes for the hungry to go away.  AND there's the fact that I've been really good all week, and headed towards a loss, and these Saturdays are messing up my Sunday weigh in! dang it!

I think I need to bring in my knitting again on weekends.  Put something to do in my hands.  Watching things is nice, but it's not keeping me occupied enough to keep me from wanting food.  It'd be  nice if willpower was enough, but if that were the case, I'd probably not be here in the first place.

  I've got a doctors appointment set up for Tuesday morning to talk about this heel pain.  Of course that means today after making the appointment, it feels way better.   Monday I have an appointment at the gym for a "fitness orientation"  .. basically a walk-though of how to use/where to start with the machines, and a lot of "if you buy training packages this is how I can help you" . I plan on taking notes, hopefully I can get him to help me find a starting weight to use.  And since I seem be sharing my appointments in reverse order, tomorrow morning is Zumba, and tomorrow afternoon is waxing the girly bits!

So plans. Long term, stop being bored! bring some knitting, coloring, gameboy, something!!! to get my mind of boredom eating.  short term: appointments galore!  I hope everyone else has a great long weekend!

<3,
Sam